Everybody is happy for us and I’m nervous about marrying her because she pretty much pressured me into proposing to her, constantly dropping hints, saying how happy it would make her, and how sad she’ll be if we’re not engaged by next summer. I (stupidly) thought that I could just propose and have a long engagement. But she’s decided the wedding is going to be in two years, and is already planning it. I guess This has made me think properly about if I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And sadly the answer is no. Not just a little no, but a complete no.
My problem is that I’m a people pleaser, she already has the life she wants planned out and stuffed me in the the husband position. And I let her because I’m not the most decisive person. Any time I expressed on an opinion on our future that differed from hers, she would get upset, cry and and I did the whole “no no no, It’s okay, we’ll do what you want” because I don’t want to upset her. We basically just give each other love but apart from that we have nothing in common.
I don’t think she’s being manipulative on purpose, she got out of a rough relationship before me, and apparently there something else which she wants to tell me but won’t because she doesn’t want to upset me. And a few nights ago she told me that she hates being alone and had a sort of panic attack about me going to see my friends this weekend, so I had to promise I’d stay and now my friends are annoyed at me because this isn’t the first time I’ve had to cancel on plans because of her. I once got back from the gym half an hour late and she was upset.
She lives with her parents, but they’re away at the moment. I’m staying at her house for 2 weeks before I go back to college. I want to break up with her next weekend so her parents are back because I don’t want her to be alone, she only has one real friend who she only she’s rarely.
She says I’m her best friend, and she loves me loads, and she was in a bad place before I came along, she doesn’t even like it when I sit on a different sofa. She wants me around every second but then never does anything with my company, I feel like and accessory to her.
I was a good/my first relationship to start, but now we barely do anything, when we do stuff it’s what she wants and I’m not even allowed to leave her side to do stuff I want on my own without her crying and guiltying me into staying with her. I feel so surpressed and miserable and like i’m falling apart. But she’s not a bad person so I don’t want to hurt her. But she’s emotionally manipulative, even if she’s not doing it on purpose.
Either way you need to tell her that you are not ready.